I have decided that instead of
avoiding my blog because I don’t want to sound dumb or stupid should be the
least of my concerns. In all reality know one could read it, and I would be
fine with that because it truly is to help me and be a place where I can write
down and share my feelings and experiences and be able to reflect back on what
I have done, and what I am doing to help me be better and become who my
Heavenly Father wants me to be. It's hard for me to share my struggles with my family, let alone the blogging world, but I just felt like I should. The mission experience is a roller coaster of emotions, but I wouldn't want it any other way. It's the way we learn and grow most, by experiences and challenges and by overcoming hard things. It's the way God intended it to be, and he has a reason for it.
Tonight, and a lot of other nights
recently, I have had a million thoughts going through my head; mostly
excitement and eagerness to start my new adventure, but some uneasiness and
inadequacy as well. I don’t think I
truly understood the commitment this would be when I hit that submit button, or
when I was reading my call aloud for the first time. Even a week later I still
felt like I was living in some sort of fantasy world, but soon after that the
reality of it all would hit. I
At first I was scared. I couldn’t
believe what I had gotten myself into, and why on earth I would ever commit
myself to something so hard. I had many thoughts of discouragement, that there
would be no way I could do something like this, that I would miss my family and
little Tremonton way to much. It came at a time when my friends were leaving to
head back to school, and I was stuck here delivering pizzas and waiting for
April 9th. I had a friend
send me an email that said make sure you stay busy, an idle mind is Satan’s
playground, and I can truly testify to that. I found myself thinking way to
much, and not being active or being engaged in any activity other than working, sleeping in, and checking Facebook.
It took some time pleading with the
Lord to help me, to reignite my flame, and to reassure me that what I was doing
was what he had in store for me. I had to recommit myself to the Lord, his
plan, and what he wanted. I knew the only reason I was feeling this way was
because of Satan. He works a lot harder, but in different ways, after you have
received a mission call. I found myself lacking motivation to open my
scriptures at night, to study my preach my gospel, and do the little things.
Nothing big and crazy, but I have learned through experience that it’s the
small things that add up, and little by little he can drag you down.
I decided one night that I was
going to recommit myself to the Lord. That I was going to study my scriptures,
and read the Book of Mormon all the way through again before I leave.(It is highly encouraged by general authorities) I was
going to pray often, and look for missionary experiences, and serve others. This
has truly changed my attitude, my countenance, and the person that I am. I was
reading my scriptures one night and came across the verse “there is opposition
in all things” That hit me square in the face. I guess I though maybe because I
was serving a mission, that the Lord would set the path and make it easy, but
that is not how it works. It was a friendly, but stern reminder to saddle up
and jump on because it wasn’t going to be easy but if I could make it the reward would be worth it.
I think it was
exactly what the Lord needed me to do, to allow me to regain that excitement,
to help me fight off the adversary, and to help me to be happy. I was reassured
in my testimony of the little things, and how they become the big things. I
came across the quote one night, and of course tweeted it, but it pertains here.
“Patience isn’t the ability to wait, but the attitude of keeping a good
attitude while waiting” And although
sometimes I get impatient and just wish it was here already, I truly am
grateful for this whole process. I love the time that I am able to spend here
at home with my family, and be able to share memories with those around me.
God really
knows what he is doing. He hears and answers our pleadings. He knows exactly what we need to do and
overcome to be able to succeed. I will say it a million times probably, but I
am grateful for my challenges and trials. It has allowed me to grow in ways
that nothing else could, and I know that because of them I am who I am. I have been put in places where it would be easier to just have thrown in the towel and be done with it, but I stuck to it. I know that my mission, and life in general will be like this a lot of the time. I will have hard days, and just want to come home. But because of my experiences I am more prepared to buckle down and put one foot in from of the other and know that all things I do through Christ and for Christ will benefit me.
I am so
grateful for the opportunity that I have to serve my Heavenly Father, and to
share the gospel with the people of England.
This whole experience has already helped me be able to share the gospel
with those that I am around, and have missionary experiences and opportunities already
that I would not of had without preparing for my mission. I love this church
with all of my heart, and I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I challenge
you all … (it’s the future missionary in me) to share the gospel with others,
whether its’ your testimony, or by actions of service and love. You never know
what kind of outcome it might have on someone’s life.
“No force in the entire world, can stop the work of God” –Neil
L. Anderson
*Hugs and
Loves from tree town!!
Mishae
No comments:
Post a Comment